Avoiding Reality

I sit at this computer everyday. I sit here because I am trying to avoid the reality of it all. I am trying to avoid the reality of my situation. I sit here not because I have to but because I choose to. This is how I avoid it all. I wake up and I am glued to it because from the moment I wake up I see the chaos and I choose to ignore it. I hit the ignore button. At least I try to anyways. Dealing with bullshit like everyday and do you know what else I have noticed? It is only getting worse since it is getting closer and closer to that time for me to leave. I need to come up with a better way of handling this shit. I am tired of cleaning up after grown ass people who right after I clean they don't appreciate it and it shows because they go right after me and fuck it all up again. I could have been gone. Hell it's not like the finances were not there but because I had such a good damn heart I had to stroke my filthy fucking ego and stay to help these people who call themselves my family but more and more everyday they show themselves to be my true enemies. My heart at this point is heavier than a feather and I just don't care. I am going to do what I need to do and change up the routine. I am promising myself that from this point forward (and for as long as mercury does not go retrograde) I will work out more and clean up every mess whether I like it or not because having a clean environment is important to me. My happiness is important to me so I will do what is best for me. If you know you have to travel 20 miles, and your car gets 20 mpg, and you fill it up to go only 10 miles...are you going to make it to where you have to go? No! Same thing with your body and your mind. You have to make sure you are okay before everyone else. It sounds selfish but how are they going to be okay if your ass is broke down and your the sole provider? Nourish your mind, body, and soul! Fill up on good things and let everything else fall by the wayside. 

 Namaste!

New Day

Today when I woke up, I told myself it is about me today. I am not going to allow anyone to piss me off today. So it is. If I feel like I am about to flip a table then I will simply walk away. Last night was when I realized just how far I have come. I asked someone to do for me what they have asked me to do numerous time. Can you go to the store and get my Klondike and Mountain Dew? You still come back with nothing! Wtf? In my head the thoughts were rolling and I did not allow my ego to reach out to this person. I remained calm (thoughts at an all time high) got dressed and headed out the door on my own little mission to get exactly what I wanted. You all out there in the virtual world don't know me but if you did you would pat me on the back. I get tired of doing for others. I ask for something so simple and you still can't do it. It's not like I asked you to move a mountain. Although, if you had the machinery and the know how to operate said machinery you would still fail me. I did good. I have come far. I am going to continue to get better. It did not occur to me that I did not retaliate the way I normally would until way later into the evening. I was thrown off myself by it but that was yesterday. Today is a new day and it will be a good day.

I Create And I Can Destroy