The Transition

Just because they are family it doesn't mean anything. I have dealt with these people for long enough and I am done. You would think we were strangers! I have reached the point of no return on my care meter. It is unfortunate but it is something I must do for myself. My peace of mind. The journey is quickly approaching it's ending. I am sad that I have to let go of those of whom I love but they don't act like they love me. Besides it is just time to move on. They don't want better for their lives and to hang around low vibration beings like this, I will either end up taking on that which is around me or push through and become successful but struggling because everyone wants to be one tidy. Sucking from my fountain of youth leaving me looking like an old hag. I won't age prematurely because of these life suckers. I will be sad and cry my eyes out but o well. I need to enjoy life and if I stay here any longer I feel my life will be cu short so out with the old and in with the new.

Here's To The Future

I wake up with the intentions of having a good day and being of service to others but then I am plagued with thoughts of yesterdays' yesterday. I have tried affirmations but not being consistent does not help. I have tried the magical method that I came up with of burning a long strand of hemp or black yarn while reciting words to rid myself of the negative thinking. Sad to say after burning myself (trial and error) the first time I did it only one other time after that. What do you have to feel so guilty about? You may ask. Well, let's just say life is not going my way. As much as I try for others I still get ass to kiss. Regret! I think about being alone a lot and how much time I've wasted on losers. Regret! I think about how many years I have wasted dreaming instead of doing. Regret! So you see I have a lot of regret built up inside of me. I know with age comes wisdom and today I asked God to help me to accept that there are things I just can't change (past) and to give me the strength (mind), understanding, and overstanding to move forward into a better tomorrow. I am tired of people hurting me and abusing my good nature. This is the making of a bitter person but I refuse. I will become the woman I see when I close my eyes. I will be ready when the time comes to assume that position in the life of the person (be it man or woman)who deserves me. Until then, I will be here to vent. 

Rudy

You were the one. 
The one that made me think twice. 
The one who revived me and once again gave me a life.
You were the one. 
The one who made me put the blade down.
The one who made me put back on my crown.
The one who made me want to settle down.
I thought it was over.
I thought I was through with love but then the most high came through with his love and what he stood for and showed me a new kind of love.
Love stricken and now I am sick for days because just as fast as you came I found a way to push you away.
Old McDonald to the Howard Vernon the feel good times just kept on rollin.
So use to the lames that I didn't now how to act. 
Now I know the difference between a real man and a little boy.
Now I know what I will not settle for.
I don't have to.
Not anymore.
Rudy. 

New Day

Today is a new day. Whenever I am blessed with the ability to wake up and see a new day I try to remind myself to be grateful because somebody else may not have gotten the opportunity to. Someone may not have had the strength to stay and decided it was time to go or maybe the creator felt this person had done what they needed and now it is time to move on. Either way, I have dreams and goals that I want to accomplished and I hope to see come to pass in this lifetime. However, While currently under the same roof as my mother I sometimes just want to run and hide. I keep thinking to myself just two more months and I am on my way to freedom and being able to get it together mentally, emotionally, and physically because I have just been falling apart in this war zone. Amazing how the same people who claim to want nothing but the best for you are the ones who are doing all the planning behind the scenes with your enemies. I wonder what will come of these people when I leave. Will they just wallow in their own misery? Seems more than likely. I have been the punching bag for too long and the tomfoolery is coming to an end. When the enemy knows you see him but you don't SEE him, he will fight harder than ever to bring you down. So I tell myself get ready for your come up baby. Get ready. I say this to myself and imagine my grandmother there. 

Who Am I?

Who Am I? Do You Really Wanna Know? Well, When I figure It Out I Will l Let You Know.