Temporary

As good as it gets, temporarily, I know I still have a decision to make. We have great moments sometimes but I am reminded quickly of the scale and how imbalanced they are. You have caused me more harm than good. I will not let this continue because you have become comfortable in this twisted cycle. The countdown has begun and it is time for me to go. A decision has to be made. I will be leaving and I wish you well but there will be no more abuse.Whether it be verbal/physical/emotional (mental) I have to go. Someone has to break the cycle. Break the generational curse.

Another World

Redd

Hello! I saw a post that you recently posted in a group and I want to say I am sorry you had to go through that. For me I find that just when I think I have had it so bad Someone comes along that makes my ordeals seem like chicken shit. Not that what happened to me is any less painful but I always keep in mind I am still alive and well, could be doing better, and it could have been worse. I spent most of my life blaming others and then realized the people that should care, that I wanted to give a damn will never understand or never care. Then I am hit with another realization and that was they may have had to go through a similar experience and have yet to heal. How you gonna help someone else heal and you still need healing? So they could not help me. I needed to help myself and till this day I am doing my shadow work. I am still as Iyanla says "doing my work" and it does take time. It does not happen over night. I am just now allowing myself to feel my feelings and it feels great. I deal with shit still to this day from a twisted ass family who just don't get it and never will and I am about to embark on a new journey that means leaving them behind. I have to do what I have to do and not just for me but my little one to. If you really want to get down to the core there is a young woman on youtube named Spica who I saw as one of our mutual friends. You should utilize her skills with tarot to help you on the road to your healing. Love & Light to you sis.

48 Laws Of Power

Originally I planned to post my thoughts on the book titled: The 48 laws of power here but then I decided to make an entirely new site. If you would like to check it out click the link below or if you are unable to click then copy and paste. See you there!

Http://www.the48lawsofpower.wordpress.com

Procrastination

Postponed

So, in a very recent post I told you all that I wanted to start the 100 day challenge. Instead of starting right away I need to prepare myself mentally. I want to start Sunday. I also decided to unplug from most social media. I am actually considering deleting my face-book account. I am often distracted by social media. My friend Lance was right, social media can take over your entire day before you know it. I have to really get ready for this transition and I need to cut a lot of crap out of my life. Social media being the main course of my day. Sad. So sad.  #procrastination at it's finest right here right? But, no. Seriously I really need to prepare for this just like when it is time to start fasting you have to prepare your body and mind for the trip you don't just go surprise stomach nothing for you today. Am I right or is it procrastination? We shall see. 

The again, If I live by the saying "I create my own reality" Then I will not just let life happen to me. 
I have to get to work. Beware of energy vampires that try to stop you and want to you to be stuck in the same low vibration as them and don't want you to move forward. Don't try to identify with them once you go up because the only way from here is up. They will try to keep you in the matrix of life with them because they see no way out. You have been warned.

There She Go!

I see the change. That is how I know I am really growing. I was able to identify the change in this person. When this happens, I know I need to stay away. I really need to stay away. I have just one more month to go and I cant focus on the bullshit. To me it seems as if this person wants more of my attention than my own child. It is sad. I am not here for you to take your anger out on especially when I don't give you attention. Just one more month and we are out of here. I am working on a tight rope and I know I better make the best of it.

Rudy Ja Vu

I found myself drifting off thinking about you again. Not because of Valentines day but every day. You are who I want and I believe God knows the kind of eternal fire we can set off. That kind of union would start ww3. I miss you love. You are what a man should be. I will never find another like you. No one compares. Only 1 Rubin and Ceecee.

Transformation

Death is only the beginning. You never die you just change form. Whether you believe this or not it really does not matter to me. I speak my truth. I speak my belief. I am ready for her when she comes. Whether it be day or night I am ready. Sometimes it is not always leaving the vessel. It could very well mean that it is time for you to leave someone or something behind and die a slow death that is worth it because you need to be made over. You will still carry those memories with you but you don't burn forever so death is the beginning. Be reborn.

100 Day Reality Challenge!

Here I come! I have been needing a little inspiration and I got it when some random videos popped up in the video suggestions on youtube. I am ready to take this challenge. It is perfect for me plus it crosses in with my transition from my current living situation to the new life, new me I am stepping into. This will help me to get to it, stick to it, and be ahead of it. I am starting right away although I have to say I think if I go to bed at 3 in the morning I doubt if I am really going to get up at 7 a.m.
No need in waiting though. I have yet to crack open this new book that I purchased a little over a month ago that got to me about thee weeks ago and 2 other books. I need to stimulate my brain! That was nothing back in the day when  could crack open a 600 page book and be done in less than a week. But now, pssst! So time to get back to what I love and in the future pick up a new hobby. Maybe....knitting? We will see. ♥ ❤ ❥

2015 Mercury Retrograde Dates

January 21 – February 11

May 19 – June 11

September 17 – October 9

Folks...........we got lucky this year. Lol! The waiting game.

True- Art -No- Words- Needed

For those of you who claim to have it hard in life and look at this and say it has no meaning..........
you still have some growing to do. If you say it was boring........live a little more.

How People Make Me Feel Sometimes!

Bitch!

Dawta Go!

Go dawta!

Run for the hills!

Go and clean yourself off. 

Dem on you! I can seeeee!

Go dawta! Grab dem herbs and light dat fire. Go! 

You still standing here?Get bare! Lay them herbs on de fire and wrap yourself in de blanket and be washed of dem demons. 

Be free! They want you and you can't let dem have you. 

You better fight! You have the tools so do what you must do. Save yourself!YOU ARE THE HERO YOU HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR! Go dawta! Go.

REALLY

Urrrrggg!

This toothache is kicking my ass. I am have some healing to do. Seriously! It comes and goes but I need it to stay away. I am not trying to have this happen now. Plus, I just found out that my uncle is in the hospital after a stroke and heart attack. I am so mad because the worst things happen to good people. I am not going to cry any more because it hurts my head and my tooth. I cried long and hard when I got the news because this man has been there through all my life. He lost his daughter when she was seven days old and years later here my little one comes and he took to her so this news is going to upset her but I know I have to sugar coat it a little. I am hoping he will be okay. This man has done a lot for us. He may be uncle by marriage but he is like a father. All will be well because I believe it and so it will be. 

Avoiding Reality

I sit at this computer everyday. I sit here because I am trying to avoid the reality of it all. I am trying to avoid the reality of my situation. I sit here not because I have to but because I choose to. This is how I avoid it all. I wake up and I am glued to it because from the moment I wake up I see the chaos and I choose to ignore it. I hit the ignore button. At least I try to anyways. Dealing with bullshit like everyday and do you know what else I have noticed? It is only getting worse since it is getting closer and closer to that time for me to leave. I need to come up with a better way of handling this shit. I am tired of cleaning up after grown ass people who right after I clean they don't appreciate it and it shows because they go right after me and fuck it all up again. I could have been gone. Hell it's not like the finances were not there but because I had such a good damn heart I had to stroke my filthy fucking ego and stay to help these people who call themselves my family but more and more everyday they show themselves to be my true enemies. My heart at this point is heavier than a feather and I just don't care. I am going to do what I need to do and change up the routine. I am promising myself that from this point forward (and for as long as mercury does not go retrograde) I will work out more and clean up every mess whether I like it or not because having a clean environment is important to me. My happiness is important to me so I will do what is best for me. If you know you have to travel 20 miles, and your car gets 20 mpg, and you fill it up to go only 10 miles...are you going to make it to where you have to go? No! Same thing with your body and your mind. You have to make sure you are okay before everyone else. It sounds selfish but how are they going to be okay if your ass is broke down and your the sole provider? Nourish your mind, body, and soul! Fill up on good things and let everything else fall by the wayside. 

 Namaste!

I Get It

We can blame everyone else before finally getting to ourselves. Why? We can stay in the victim role for a little longer then we need to be. Why? Sometimes it is not always our fault. Majority of the time it really is. We are sometimes often more than not the cause of a lot of our issues but then we are so quick to point the finger at he ex who cheated or the our drunk of a mother. So ready to blame everyone else but the truth is at the end of the day even when it is their fault we must not stay stuck on those memories. It is time to let go. Whatever that persons motives were for doing what they did is on them. It was really not because of you but because you just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, you got hit by the stray. Tend to that wound. Let it heal. Don't bleed to death.

 

Kanye West - My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (Full Album)

Eyes Wide Open

Morphing still in progress....

            

Eyes Wide Open

My eyes are wide open! It is a new day. I am happy to be able to wake up to a new day. Sometimes with the way these people worry the hell out of me I think I might wake up dead. Ha! I am preparing to leave a little earlier if possible. I have to because I am tired of people and their nastiness. Whether it be your attitude or the way you keep a home you are taking me there. I am done! I know you wish ill on me but you better believe I am strong and I will continue to make it through. I complain (a lot) but I still get it done. All is well.

Never Mind The Enemy,You Have Bigger And Better Shit To Fry

There is so much more going on in my life than I let on. Do I want to share? Nah. Y'all nosy. LOL! Just kidding but really, no. I am so tired of dealing but we have to understand that life is a game of chess. Play the game. It is all about strategy. Be strategic. 

• Recognize the pattern.

• Plan to Change the pattern.

• Don't let emotions take over. Remember this is a game.

• Read The 48 Laws of Power.

• Make a vision for yourself. Set big goals.

• Be willing to fuck over your mother to accomplish them. LOL! Seriously. Kidding=)

• Start to work toward those goals.

• Rename game! Who do you need to become to make this dream a reality? 

• You are the queen on the chess board. Remember that. Now, who are the other players?

• Where do I want everyone? Who is most beneficial? Who is least beneficial? Valuable any?

• Embody who you need to become. Implement. Win!

• Rest in peace to the weak asses!

• Hello Boss. Status? Boss. Whose winning? You are. Regrets? No.

                      Have a wonderful day and after reading the above, new life.

                                                       The Chaos Code

I knew it all along

I look and I see right through you. I knew it was you. I have tried to make excuses for you but there comes a time when you have to face the truth. The one you love is the one you have to rid yourself of. Goodbye beloved. 

                                                                   Sincerely,

                                                                                                      The One You Betrayed

Yesterday Was A Good Day

Yesterday went by so smooth. I had a kink and a scare but nothing to really worry about. I am so focused on getting my shit together and getting the hell out of this house that I can't worry about the little Chinese lady freaking out on me for an old folk remedy she does not understand. I had an onion tied around my neck in what looked like a mojo bag. Now this started with a question. Do you cook? At first I looked perplexed and then said yes. She said you smell like you cook. I then thought oh, the onion! I then proceeded to show her where it was coming from. She looked a little afraid. Oh well, that is the last time and to be honest I wish I hadn't shown her. I already fear my life sometimes where I live because I am different. I don't want to fit into a box like the rest of these mufuckas. I am me! Accept or leave me b. I felt really weird only because of the sachet. It is not like it is an actual mojo that had life breathed into it but it was still a funny feeling and unless I absolutely have to I won't be going back into that store for a while. Other than that, today or yesterday rather was a good day=)

New Day

Today when I woke up, I told myself it is about me today. I am not going to allow anyone to piss me off today. So it is. If I feel like I am about to flip a table then I will simply walk away. Last night was when I realized just how far I have come. I asked someone to do for me what they have asked me to do numerous time. Can you go to the store and get my Klondike and Mountain Dew? You still come back with nothing! Wtf? In my head the thoughts were rolling and I did not allow my ego to reach out to this person. I remained calm (thoughts at an all time high) got dressed and headed out the door on my own little mission to get exactly what I wanted. You all out there in the virtual world don't know me but if you did you would pat me on the back. I get tired of doing for others. I ask for something so simple and you still can't do it. It's not like I asked you to move a mountain. Although, if you had the machinery and the know how to operate said machinery you would still fail me. I did good. I have come far. I am going to continue to get better. It did not occur to me that I did not retaliate the way I normally would until way later into the evening. I was thrown off myself by it but that was yesterday. Today is a new day and it will be a good day.

The Usual

As usual, I wake up to chaos! Why? Just another month  and 3 weeks. I am out! I am out! I am out!

Only U

I am mad at me. I am not mad at you. I am mad at me because I fell in love with you. I am so mad because I allowed myself to get too caught up in you. You are a Boss. You are a king. You are one of the very few and you don't belong to me. Why? I think I will spend an eternity looking and the whores will always win. Sometimes it is not always a whore. For me I believe it was a missed opportunity. I wish I could tell you I love you but even if I did you wouldn't say it back. She wins! I loose again.

Almost There

The time is quickly approaching. I am ready. I still have so much to do. Funny how that last thought I had popped in my head knowing that much is really not much at all. We syke ourselves out to believe that and it is like there is such a heavy burden placed on us by ourselves. So I shouldn't say I have so much to do, I should just say I have so a few tasks to complete and I will be able to complete them effortlessly. I am starting to get a little better at this organizing thing and before I move I will already have a system setup. I look forward to starting over. I am somewhat stuck right now though because a retrograde is coming and I DO NOT take chances. I will stop whatever I had planned and push it back or speed it up if I find out that there is a mercury retrograde. I KNOW better. So little time and lots of planning to do.

You Can Achieve Whatever Your Mind Can Conceive

Just like there is no action possible without first the idea or thought; there is no great achievement possible without the desire to achieve it. The intensity of your desire is directly proportional to the rate of which any achievement is realised.
If you are able to transform your desire into more of an obsession then you will have no difficulty in convincing your subconscious mind that you are indeed very serious and will achieve your goals,dreams and desires.

It is when your subconscious mind is convinced of your conviction to achieve is when great things start to happen because your subconscious mind is connected to, and influences your universal realities.

Therefore…When you convince your subconscious mind of your success, through your desire, obsession, behaviours, actions and re-actions then success comes easier.

The purpose here is to create the desire for absolutely anything and everything you want, and to become so fanatically resolute about acquiring it, that you easily convince your subconscious mind that you must have and will have it, and will never give up no matter what obstacles the universe might put in your way to achieving your desires.

You also need to become wealth conscious. Only the person who conditions their mind to become wealth conscious acquires the wealth that he or she truly desires and works toward. To become wealth conscious means that your subconscious mind has become so comprehensively preoccupied and driven with the desire for success and wealth, that it can see itself already having it and in total control of it. Your mind then learns to expect success and wealth and thus creates success and wealth.

To the sceptical, that have no experience or knowledge of the great potential of the human mind, and prefer to remain stuck in their ways, and wallow in failure, these great laws or principles could seem somewhat unreasonable and unrealistic or impossible. For the sceptical there is only so much you can do to help them break free from the slavery of their failure consciousness, but ultimately it is from their own ability and desire and discipline and action that will break the bonds of their pessimistic and negative mind frames.

To develop the necessary desire, and to bring desire into your quest, you do not need to have any special talents or skills. You just need a bit of faith /belief, discipline, determination and follow-through.
The successful application also requires adequate planning or rather a bit of imagination, so that the mind is able to clearly see, and be able to comprehend, the idea of you amassing great wealth or achieving any kind of success that cannot and will not be left to probability, family fortune, or least of all – to luck.






>>>>>http://www.selfgrowth.com/<<<<<

Blank Space

I thought I had a friend in you. Obviously NOT! I am not perfect I admit. I allowed myself to get caught up in an illusion. I used you to substitute what I did not have. I never wanted your body I just wanted to be in the presence of  king. I am sorry if you feel as though I tainted you. You probably thought I was too dumb to read between the lines but I was able to see through it. The bullshit that is. I still have mad love for you and I always will. Some more truth for you is yes I do see you as handsome. Enchanting even. If you were not married you could even get the business but I respect you and (I may not know her) your wife. I am no home wrecker. I hate we had to go like this.

Happy Happy New Year!

2015! Let's get it baby!!! New year. New beginnings, New life. New Me! New You! *Cheers*